If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
