Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
