its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
