Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
