I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
