the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
