I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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