so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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