i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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