His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Everclear isn't food dammit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
