If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
