How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
