This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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