Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
