3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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