i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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