Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this will be a night to untag.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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