I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We named our party play list daddy issues
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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