I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
