I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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