So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
