does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
