dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Shame - the story of my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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