Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
