walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
