I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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