I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
