I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
