I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
