found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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