does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
