There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
