have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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