Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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