the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
