he thought i was a dude.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
