The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
