Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
