so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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