I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
