he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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