My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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