I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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