Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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