I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
