White coat. Heels.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
