Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
