I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
