I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
