is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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