dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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