It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
