Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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