I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
