I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
