Your face is a jimmy john
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
