I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
