At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
