I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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