yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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