Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
