she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
