Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
