I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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