Do you still have your period?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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