She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
