my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
