I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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