All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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